Last week on the LDS Storymaker list, a very talented author asked others how they deal with the depression writers encounter—those times we feel everything we’ve ever written is garbage and we’d be better off flipping burgers at the local fast food joint. The slew of responses from many other talented authors showed clearly that a nerve had been hit. Self-doubt, depression, and times of downright misery are all part of the writing package. I’ve experienced them myself, and was in fact in the very throes of one last week while this email thread was going round. Instead of responding on the list I decided to blog about it—so those not yet published will know what they’re in for and know they aren’t alone!
Before I share my tried and true method for rising out of the writer’s depression mire, I want to explain that I know and understand real depression. My two oldest children have dealt with this (and consequently, so has our whole family) for several years. Clinical depression is a very real thing, and sometimes both medical and psychological help are needed to deal with this condition. And it is a very real condition. As I’ve explained to my children in the past, just as diabetics need to take insulin to keep their blood sugar levels in balance, some people need to take medication to keep their chemical levels in balance.
Fortunately, beating writer’s depression requires no medication—not even large doses of chocolate! Though many will disagree with me on this 😀
Step 1. Be Sad
Last week I received an email from my publisher explaining they still weren’t happy with my latest manuscript and wanted an additional rewrite, 80 pages cut etc. I was sad—really sad. And, as Anne Shirley (Green Gables, anyone?), I descended into the “depths of despair” in about two minutes. Writers, as a whole, are a pretty emotional lot, and I’m probably one of the worst. This is a real plus when you’re writing an emotionally packed scene; it’s a real negative when you’re dealing with rejection. As I reread this latest rejection, I sat at my computer and bawled—thinking positive, reaffirming things like, “I’m never going to get this book published. That’s it, I’m never writing again. I just wasted a year of my life for what?!” and, “it’s probably for the best. Now I can catch up on the ironing.”
In short, I was wallowing big time.
Some of my writer friends (Jeff) tell me I’m a pessimist, but really the opposite is true. I’ve experienced some pretty rough times in my life (and getting a rejection doesn’t even make the list), and with every trial I manage to bounce back fairly quick. But first I wallow. And when I’m there—as my husband has learned—let me be. The first step to feeling better is to feel bad. The Lord gave us tear ducts for a reason—use them.
Step 2. Get Mad
I can only cry for so long—an hour tops, usually, and then anger kicks in. My thoughts now turn to . . . “Do they not realize I put blood, sweat, and tears into that manuscript?!” While I’m sure Anne found it immensely satisfying to tell off Rachel Lynde and crack that slate over Gilbert Blythe’s head, I am a bit more practical in my anger. During my mad stage, I’ll often crank up the stereo and run on the treadmill, or scrub the top layer off our floors or attack some poor, unsuspecting bush in the yard. This time, I was fortunate in that I had a project I’d been putting off for some time. Our bathroom wallpaper needed to be removed and the walls painted. Scraping off wallpaper and scrubbing the walls clean proved a very effective release for my anger. Rolling on the fresh coat of paint while I thought through things (more logically now) soothed the last of my irrational state away, and a few hours later I had a sparkling new bathroom to show for it. Later that night as I brushed my teeth and admired our freshly-painted walls, I couldn’t help but feel a little better, as at least I’d accomplished something that day.
Step 3. Get to work
When I say work, I don’t mean cleaning or painting (those things become luxuries when you’re a writer), I’m talking about writing. If the project is at all salvageable, then get back to it and pour what blood, sweat and tears you have left into the thing. If it isn’t—if you’ve literally been rejected by every agent on the planet—then maybe it’s time to shelve it for a while and come back later when you can look at it more objectively. But until then, you’ve still got to work if you want to feel better. Since the time I last submitted something to my publisher (six weeks ago), I’ve worked on three different projects and finally settled into one. And while I really hope I can work something out on the manuscript giving me grief right now, if I can’t, I’m ready to forge ahead with the next project. Write something that makes you laugh. Or start something completely new. Put pen to paper and begin writing one of the stories that’s been nagging in the back of your mind for a while. You might be pleasantly surprised (as I was recently) at how quickly the idea blossoms when you start to write it.
Writers should never put all their eggs in one basket—or all their hopes into one manuscript. To do so is to really set yourself up for a fall. If you’re a writer, you have plenty of stories in you. Now is the time to get working and get another one going (if you haven’t already). Kind of like the game Parchesi, you need to get another man out and start moving him around the board.
Perhaps one of the reasons I love the Anne of Green Gables series so much, is that we see this same pattern in her life. She wallows. She gets good and angry. She gets back to work. After dealing with Gilbert’s blow about, “high falluting mumbo-jumbo,” and enduring the baking powder fiasco, Anne does not despair forever her dreams of writing. During a particularly lonely time, she gets back to work again and finally finds success.
Get back to work, and you will too.